A Love Affair

Inside I doubt he can love me. Because of my wrongs, because I have hurt him, I doubt he still loves me. As I stand before him I dare not look into his eyes because of my shame. I look into his eyes for a short moment and all I see is grace. That gaze of a loving father and yet that of a husband. Oh the love I see in his tearful eyes. That intense loving gaze. Tears because I have broken his heart. Tears because he wants me to know how much he loves me but I don’t understand. Tears because all he wants to do is be close to me but I push him away because inside I doubt he could love me.
Tears because he sees my pain and all he wants to do is hold me. With such a longing in his heart to embrace me that his heart feels as though it is being torn out because I reject his love. And yet he still loves me.
My pain, my shame. My shame from doing this love wrong causes me to hide my face, to run, because I fear I will never be good enough. My heart feels as though it is being ripped out because I am running from the one I love. Not understanding his love for me I run and hide.
He waits for me patiently to come back into his arms while I am out with another. He waits for me, he is faithful to me; yet I am not faithful to him. O the shame! I doubt he still loves me.
After running in shame and running into the arms of many different lovers trying to forget the one I truly love, I finally begin to wear down. These other lovers have used me. None of them have treated me the way he did. They do not compare to the one I truly love. I am now completely broken.
Broken and torn I come back to him. I stand in his presence expecting his wrath, expecting rejection. After all, I hurt him, I left him and found other lovers. As I lift my head and look into his eyes I hold my breath. He stares back at me with passion looking me intently in the eye. Because of the guilt I bear, I feel as though I can’t look him in the eyes too long lest I crumble. But then, I am already broken beyond repair. With nothing to lose I hold his gaze.
To my surprise tears fall from his face. I see no anger in his eyes, only love. A love like I never seen before radiates like heat from his eyes. The fire of love rages within him as I see the flame dance in his eyes. His loving gaze begins to melt my heart as I continue to look into his eyes. His gaze penetrates me to the core. Looking into his eyes I see myself almost as though looking through a mirror. For the first time I truly see myself, I see myself how he sees me. I see beauty. I see a masterpiece. I see that I am his love, the apple of his eye. I see myself as a priceless gym and more. I break as I see myself in a true light, in his light, through his eyes. I feel the purest of love from him, it is bliss. All of the pain melts away as love permeates my innermost being.
Just when I think this feeling of pure love could not get any stronger he reaches out to pull me in. He wraps me in his arms. I am in heaven. I am free. He still loves me. The weight of his love, the weight of his glory. It feels as though it is crushing me. I found heaven. It is in the arms of my Savior, and in the heart of my Father. Forever I am his.

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