Through the pain

Have to share this with you church!
Many days I awake with pain, dealing with moodswings, irratibility, headaches, and more as a result to the head trauma I faced a couple years ago. For some time I was in denial that I even suffered these things. It has gotten so much better since it all happened. At first I couldn’t even form a sentence without fighting through confusion of how to form the sentence. God has brought me a long way. But after a while of dealing with the aftermath I began to get upset with it and bitter. It was hard enough having to fight through the mood swings taking it to the Lord and going on any way but the pain made it harder. I didn’t go through it everyday but had bouts of it lasting for sometimes a week then it would subside for some time, each time coming less frequently. I got to where I’d wake up on day two of this pain bitter and mad that I had to keep dealing with it. I was like will this ever change. But this morning was different. This morning I woke on dayfour of pain. I opened my eyes and didn’t even want to get out of bed. I began talking to the Lord. As I spoke with the Lord the denial slipped away. I finally realized and accepted that all these things were due to the past trauma. As soon as this realization hit I remembered back. My skull had been fractured at the base In two places and my brain was bleeding. The blow to my head busted both eardrums which saved my life by allowing the bleeding from my brain to trickle out instead of build up. This morning instead of feeling bitterness that I felt bad, an overwhelming sense of thankfulness came over me and all I could do was weep. I am alive! I’m not just alive I am blessed! For the most part I live a normal life. I work, excersise, I’m a mother, a writer, and I live for the Lord. I have no business being alive much less accomplishing these things. But because all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me I overcome. This is not just scripture, its my life and anyone else’s life who believes! Even through these trials I am a conqueror. What God is doing for me he will do for you. I did not deserve his grace but I received it and you can too. The doctors said I should have memory loss maybe indefinant. They said I had some brain damage and may never be the same. Well since then I never have been the same, but it’s not because of brain damage, it’s because I was reborn shortly after that. God started a rapid healing in me the day I was reborn and still sees it through. I am Better and Better everyday. I can preach the word of God with no difficulty remembering or constructing sentences. I have written two books and working on more for the Lord. I’m in great shape. But I don’t do all these things because I am so good or talented. I can do these things because God made it so. He gifts me, he strengthened me, he healed me. While I acknowledge these symptoms of aftermath of head trauma I do not receive that it will last forever. God Is healing me more and more everyday. I look at where he has brought me from and can’t help but weep in joy. I’m better than alive, I’m reborn!

The Pharisee and the Tax Collector

My favorite story in the Bible is that of the tax collector and the Pharisee. They both went to pray. The Pharisee prays, “Thank you Lord that i am not like those sinners, robbers, evil doesrs, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.” The tax collector goes to pray and can’t even look to heaven because he knows and recognizes his deeds. He prays for forgiveness and knows he is not worthy. The Bible says the tax collector went home justified rather than the Pharisee. Why? The Pharisee was self righteous thinking he was without SIN. He didn’t need a savior.
The tax collector knew and confessed his doings and knew he needed a savior who is the Lord. He knew he was not worthy and didn’t pretend to be. He asked for Grace. We are saved by Grace. Jesus died for it. If you are not like the sinner then why do you need a savior? It is funny how we constantly try to be “good enough” When we never feel good enough that is called condemnation and that is from the devil. If we feel we are good enough on our own merit its pride. When we know that we can’t be good enough by our own merit and that only the blood of the lamb and Grace puts us in right standing with God then we are saved.
We are redeemed. Made righteous by the blood of the lamb. Forgiven. Made worthy by God not how good we do. Like the tax collector we go home justified. Confess to one another that you may be healed. He has been overcome by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony. We are saved by Grace. Salvation is a gift and is found in Jesus

Important Steps to Healing

An important step to healing is forgiveness. Things we have been through, things others have done to us, and even things we have done our selves, wound us and can fester over time creating a deep root manifesting in all types of ways such as anxiety, addiction, fear, and depression, even physical illness. Many times we don’t even know what the root is that is causing all our rotten fruit.
But when you ask, God will reveal that root. The most important thing to do once this root is revealed is to forgive. The Bible says forgive so that you may be forgiven. The Bible also says confess to one another so that you may be healed. It helps to talk about it to a brother or sister in Christ. Get it out. Take all the pain and give it to the Lord. Tell him how you feel. Forgive whoever hurt you, including yourself. Once you have forgiven you have opened the door for the Lord to heal you. He will never leave or forsake you.
As you go through this process he will walk through it with you and comfort and guide you speaking healing words to your inner being healing you and setting you free. Yes God delivers us in a second at times. But usually in this instance it is a continual process.
Healing is a process. God wants his body healed and whole. Stick to the process and get healed. You are no longer a victim. In Christ you are a victor! Let the Lord heal those roots and see how the fruit in your life will change.
When I first got delivered from twelve years of drug use I was on multiple medications for anxiety and depression. I couldn’t even talk in front of a group of people with out stuttering and having an anxiety attack due to the condition I was in when I came off drugs. I thought I would be on medication the rest of my life. I kept seeking the Lord and did therapy. I soon learned that most of my drug use and depression was the fruit of past experiences of my child hood. I did not see this all at once but over time the Lord brought certain incidents to my memory. I asked him to reveal the root of the addiction first. He brought to my mind many painful memories that I had buried deep inside. I was holding a lot of unforgiveness.
As I continued seeking God it was revealed to me that the anxiety, fear and addiction was the result of sexual abuse among other things. In prayer the Lord spoke to me and had me forgive those who had hurt me and forgive myself for those things I had done. Each time the Lord pulled off the band aid I would cry uncontrollably. It was like I could feel the rip of the band aid and as I cried I could feel the blood flowing from the wound. But he walked through it with me and I was able to forgive and to get healing.Once the wound was finished bleeding out the infection the love of God was poured into me and I could feel his healing touch. He dressed up my wound for a complete healing.
I learned to trust the Lord more and more. In time I started coming off of all those medications I had been put on for anxiety and depression. Each time the Lord revealed a piece of me that needed healing I would allow him to tear off the band aid and heal the wound. Each time I went through this process I was able to lower my dose in medication. After about two years the Lord had cleaned me up to where I no longer needed medication at all. I was healed. It took time but the roots were dug up and the fruit in my life was changing. I still go through this process and still change daily.

Let God do a work in you. Seek him.
(I am not saying to come off of medication without a doctors care)

Escaping Deception

The problem with deception is that the one deceived doesn’t know it. If they did then they wouldn’t be deceived. The word is truth and exposes darkness and lies. But what if the one deceived rejects the truth? Is it because they did not hear the truth? Or did they not believe the truth?
The problem with deception is that even the truth sounds like a lie to the one deceived. Yet somewhere in them they know the truth. And so the truth will remain in them until a time when they are ready to receive. Unfortunately when one is deceived more times than not they have to be given over to the Lord. Even though they weren’t able to receive the truth at that time do not give up praying for them. They will eventually be left to their own demise by self destruction until they are broken enough to see the error of their ways. Broken to the point to where their eyes search for the light in their dark place.
Finally, when they call on the Lord their eyes will be opened and they will see truth for what it is and the deception and lies will be exposed and revealed to them. It is through much suffering that their eyes will be opened. Suffering that they only brought on themself. Then it is their choice if they continue down that destructive path after knowing and understanding that they have been deceived. Even still many will refuse to call on the Lord while in their darkness.
He is the way the truth and the life. He is the light of the world. If he has opened your eyes do not walk back into the same darkness you been delivered from by repeating old patterns. I promise you your next go round will be seven times worse than before.
If your eyes have not yet been opened then it is possible that you have been deceived. Of course you will not know it if you are in fact deceived. But in your darkest hour you will remember what you are now reading, truth. The truth will be in you. And when you are ready to come out of the darkness you will remember the truth you once read: Jesus is the way. He will be your light in your dark place. When you remember this truth call on the name of Jesus from out of the darkness. He will answer you

The Reaping of the Harvest is Near

The harvest is on its way and the wheat is being separated from the chaff even now preparing for that day. The enemy infiltrated the church from the beginning. As of now there is conflict in the worldly church as the true children of God are being taken out of her and separated and set apart. The reaping is near. Gird yourselves with truth and walk in the spirit lest you stumble in the dark. Walk in his light of truth.

Hear This

Many will not hear truth and will even defend the lie. Some will even go as far as using scripture to defend the lie they call truth. Jeremiah 5:21-22: “hear this, you foolish and senseless people, who have eyes but do not see, who have ears that do not hear: should you not tremble in my presence? I made the sand a boundary for the sea, an everlasting barrier it cannot cross. The waves may roll, but they cannot prevail; they may roar, but they cannot cross it” God will not be mocked.

A Pathway to Bondage, The Way to Death

A path to bondage and the way to death

It begins as an enticement with thoughts from the enemy coming only as a suggestive thought. After giving into that compulsion just once by entertaining the thought placed in the mind the desire and hunger becomes stronger. A sore begins to form upon the flesh. The imagination continues with the sinful pleasures of the imagination but not all at once, that would be too obvious of course. A little here, a little there, all the while making you thirst for more. The sore in your flesh has become infected by repeated exposure to filth, to sin, to that which is contrary to God. And it all began by a thought. Yet one still remains asleep as they have become drunk on their own blood to satisfy their thirst. Because of the drunkenness the desires of the flesh and the will to feed that desire continues. The infected sore that was in your flesh becomes a consuming disease getting into your bloodstream reaching the innermost part of your being effecting even the soul. You have become pregnant with sin and when birthed becomes abomination. Think about what your thinking about. Catch it before it goes further. But no matter how strong the bondage the son, Jesus, can set you free and free indeed. Do not go back to the same principles you knew before you were set free. Take authority over your thoughts and you will have authority over your actions. Be careful what thought you entertain.


A Re-Evaluation

It is crucial to get in the face of the father constantly for reevaluation. Are you serving your ministry or serving God? Think about it. Pray about it. Let him search your heart to see if it is right before the Lord. Want to see people delivered? Want to see signs wonders and miracles? Get in his presence and let him search your heart. Get right or get out.

Keep the vision God has given you with constant heart search or it is easy to lose the way.

Three Things

I see three things, all related.

I see the tower of Babel broken as Gods people quit leaning on the one thing that unified them in the first place and that was God. And so he tore down the tower of Babel and separated the people. The tower of Babel broken bringing division because they turned from God.

Second: I see the body of Christ broken for us as he hangs on the cross to pay for our sin. The body of Christ broken bringing division just as the tower of Babel was broken bringing division. Luke 12:52: “do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division.”.

Third I see the church, the body of Christ, divided and broken. Division in the church. This division is dividing the wheat from the chaff. The true church from the counterfeit. True doctrine from false. True children of God from counterfeits. The division has come. Do not simply go to church be the church. This division must and is happening. The church must turn to the one thing that unified believers in the first place, God.

All creation points to Christ

All of creation tells a story

I want to talk about Genesis 38 but first let’s set the scene. Tamar has been left a widow when her husband was slain by the Lord. Er, Tamar’s husband and Judah’s firstborn son was slain by the Lord because he was wicked in the sight of the Lord. Onan, Judah’s other son, had refused to give seed to Tamar to have a child as Judah had asked. He did indeed come into her but spilled his seed on the ground because he knew that if he got Tamar pregnant then the child would not belong to him but to his brother as tradition was. And so he too was slain by the Lord. Judah decided to keep Tamar in his house and promised to give Tamar to his youngest son, Shelah, if she will only stay until he was grown. Judah did not keep his promise of marrying Tamar to his son Shelah and so she put a veil over her face and pretended to be a harlot so that when Judah passed he asked to go into her thinking that she was a Harlot. Tamar asked to keep Judah’s staff and signet and bracelets as a pledge until he could pay her. After Judah left to go and send the promised payment to Tamar she took off the veil and returned back to her widowhood garments. Later on Tamar was found out to be pregnant and they tell Judah that she had become pregnant by whoredom. Judah orders that she be burned for harlotry. When she was brought to Judah she presented the signet, bracelets, and staff that he had left with her and said that it was by this man that left the staff, signet and bracelets by which she was pregnant. Judah saw them and said that Tamar had been more righteous than him because he had not given her to his son. He knew that she was now pregnant with his child and why she had done it. After this he knew her no more.

This brings us up to our point of discussion and revelation. Genesis 38; 27-30. All throughout the Old Testament; the lives of the people, the laws given to Moses, and even the building of the tabernacle are all relative and point to Jesus. Everything in the universe and even the way the human mind works is relative to one another. If you can see the big picture of the way the mind works, the way the world goes round, and the cycles of life, then you can find Jesus in it all. Everything tells a story and all of creation tells the story of Christ and points to him. This is how we can discern times. If you are given the wisdom and the eyes to read things and people to learn how everything works then nothing is impossible for you to learn, understand, or read.

 In Genesis 38, Tamar is pregnant with twins. Gen 39; 27: “And it came to pass in the time of her travail, that, behold, twins were in her womb. And it came to pass, when she travailed, that the one put out his hand: and the midwife took and bound upon his hand a scarlet thread, saying, this came out first.” Now, in the Bible scarlet represents the blood of Jesus. Take for instance the scarlet ribbon that the soldiers told Rahab to tie in her window when they took her village so that she would not be harmed and so they would pass over her. This scarlet ribbon represents the blood of Jesus that covers the saints so that the angel of death will pass over them and is the seal of which the book of revelations speaks about. The blood of Jesus is the seal of the saints. Also, when the Lord caused all the first born in Egypt to die, the Israelites were instructed to put the blood of the lamb over their door posts so that the angel of death would pass over their home also signifying the blood of Jesus and the seal that protects the saints. And so the scarlet thread around the first child’s wrist represents the blood of Jesus. This child came out first, but then he pulled his arm back in and so the second twin was first to be born even though the other child had put his arm out first and was marked. So who is the first and the last but Jesus? And so this twin who stuck his arm out first was first and last! All of creation points to the birth and resurrection of Christ. Everything in creation tells a story. God told the story of Jesus since the beginning. All of creation tells his story, even from the beginning with Adam and Eve.  His story is history and history tells the truth of the Messiah, of Jesus. Gen 38;28, “And it came to pass, when she travailed, that the one put out his hand: and the midwife took and bound upon his hand a scarlet thread, saying, This came out first.” Even though it says he came out first watch this, “And it came to pass, as he drew back his hand, that, behold, his brother came out and she said, How hast thou broken forth? This breach be upon thee: therefore his name was called Pharez.” So the child who stuck his hand out and received the scarlet thread was first yet he came out last. Consider scripture. The first shall be last in the kingdom of heaven and the last shall be first. In this case the first was the last and the last was first. Now who is the first and the last? Jesus! Jesus was the first for in the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the word was God,,,,, the word became flesh and dwelt among us. This twin with the scarlet thread representing Jesus was first and he was last. Though he was first he came last and the last came first. The beginning and the end. This twin began the birthing process by coming forth and he also ended the birthing process by coming last. Beginning and end. This twin who came first but was last was named Zarah. The name Zarah means, get this, flower or to flourish. It is through Jesus that the children of God will flourish. The name Zarah also means light. Who is the light? Jesus! And last but not least Zarah also means bright and east. Who is the bright morning star? Jesus. Where was the star located at Jesus birth? In the east! The story of this birth of the twins tells of the birth and death and resurrection of Jesus simply by the name of the baby, the way he was born, and the scarlet thread upon his wrist. Zarah was born and reborn, he came twice; but that’s not all it tells. The other twins name was Pharez. Pharez means breach. Breach is the act of breaking or failing to observe a law, agreement, or code of conduct. In the Bible the first born is the chosen and receives the blessing. As you can see with Esau and Jacob the first born did not receive the blessing but the youngest did. The first was last. In this birth with Zarah and Pharez, even though Zarah came first he was last. Even though Zarah was first, the youngest received the blessing. Jesus was first, he was in the beginning and partook in creation for everything was made through him. The Israelites broke the laws therefore breaking the covenant between them and God they caused a breach in “contract”. Henceforth Pharez means breach by breaking the law. And so because of this breach the one who was first but came last, with the scarlet thread, would not be the one to receive the blessing. Jesus died on the cross and bore our sin, bore the curse and so we received the blessing even though we were not first, just as Jacob did who also was not the first born. Jesus who was first also is last. Because the Israelites, Pharez, breached the contract, Jesus, Zarah, had to come last to make atonement so that they might be saved. Jesus began the birthing process and Jesus will end the birthing process. By his blood we are saved. Pharez also means division. Because the Israelites breached the Covenant it caused a division between them and God. Because Adam and Eve breached they caused a division between them and God. Because we breach the covenant by not following the law we too break that covenant and are divided from God. But the one who was first comes last and it is by his blood that atonement was made for the breach and so a new covenant was established with his blood.  And so now if you are in Christ and have confessed him as savior then you are under a new contract, a new covenant. The first born of God has redeemed us with his blood and we receive the blessing. Under this new covenant we are saved by grace. We are forgiven, reborn. We are sealed with the blood of Christ if we are reborn and the Angel of death will pass over us and we will live eternally.  The Bible says repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus for the remission of your sin and you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. All of creation tells a story of which you are part of.