Through the pain

Have to share this with you church!
Many days I awake with pain, dealing with moodswings, irratibility, headaches, and more as a result to the head trauma I faced a couple years ago. For some time I was in denial that I even suffered these things. It has gotten so much better since it all happened. At first I couldn’t even form a sentence without fighting through confusion of how to form the sentence. God has brought me a long way. But after a while of dealing with the aftermath I began to get upset with it and bitter. It was hard enough having to fight through the mood swings taking it to the Lord and going on any way but the pain made it harder. I didn’t go through it everyday but had bouts of it lasting for sometimes a week then it would subside for some time, each time coming less frequently. I got to where I’d wake up on day two of this pain bitter and mad that I had to keep dealing with it. I was like will this ever change. But this morning was different. This morning I woke on dayfour of pain. I opened my eyes and didn’t even want to get out of bed. I began talking to the Lord. As I spoke with the Lord the denial slipped away. I finally realized and accepted that all these things were due to the past trauma. As soon as this realization hit I remembered back. My skull had been fractured at the base In two places and my brain was bleeding. The blow to my head busted both eardrums which saved my life by allowing the bleeding from my brain to trickle out instead of build up. This morning instead of feeling bitterness that I felt bad, an overwhelming sense of thankfulness came over me and all I could do was weep. I am alive! I’m not just alive I am blessed! For the most part I live a normal life. I work, excersise, I’m a mother, a writer, and I live for the Lord. I have no business being alive much less accomplishing these things. But because all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me I overcome. This is not just scripture, its my life and anyone else’s life who believes! Even through these trials I am a conqueror. What God is doing for me he will do for you. I did not deserve his grace but I received it and you can too. The doctors said I should have memory loss maybe indefinant. They said I had some brain damage and may never be the same. Well since then I never have been the same, but it’s not because of brain damage, it’s because I was reborn shortly after that. God started a rapid healing in me the day I was reborn and still sees it through. I am Better and Better everyday. I can preach the word of God with no difficulty remembering or constructing sentences. I have written two books and working on more for the Lord. I’m in great shape. But I don’t do all these things because I am so good or talented. I can do these things because God made it so. He gifts me, he strengthened me, he healed me. While I acknowledge these symptoms of aftermath of head trauma I do not receive that it will last forever. God Is healing me more and more everyday. I look at where he has brought me from and can’t help but weep in joy. I’m better than alive, I’m reborn!

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